How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie

My notes on “How to Win Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnegie

3 Fundamental Techniques in Handling People

1. Don’t crisicise, condemn or complain
   • Instead, try to understand them, why they do what they do
   • The most important human desire: A feeling of importance
2. Give honest and sincere appreciation
   • Find out their good points
   • Try to see everything from the other person point of view
3. Arouse in the other person on eager want

• Eg a good salesperson doesn’t push what they have, they find out problems and then present a solution

6 Ways to Make People Like You

1. Become genuinely interested in other people
   • Others will become interest in you in response
2. Smile
   • Happiness ins’t from external, it’s internal, it’s what you think about
3. Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language
   • Make an effort to remember peoples names
4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves
5. Talk in terms of the other person’s interests
6. Make the other person feel important – and do it sincerely

12 Ways to Win People to Your Way of Thinking

1. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it
   • You can’t win an argument. It makes people defensive & they fortify their position
2. Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, “You’re wrong.”
   • It strips people of their self dignity. Be diplomatic
3. If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically
   • Eg when a policeman catches you speeding, admonish yourself before he gets the chance so the only way he can feel important is to let you off!
   • By fighting you never get enough, but be yielding you get more than you expected
4. Begin in a friendly way
   • It puts people at ease, they treat friends better in return
5. Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately
   • Avoid argument, look from their point of view, get agreement
6. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking
7. Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers
   • Ask customers for input into a product
   • Present facts to colleagues & let them draw their own conclusion
8. Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view
9. Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires
   • “If I were you, I’d feel the same wy”. We all crave sympathy
10. Appeal to the nobler motives
    • I don’t think you’ll break your lease because I think yoru a man of your word”
    • Treat them honest, upright and fair and that’s the behaviour you’ll get
11. Dramatize your ideas
    • Show a little showmanship to help people visualise your ideas
12. Throw down a challenge
    • Stimulate competition. Life/work is a game others can excel at & be proud of

9 Ways to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment

1. Begin with praise and honest appreciation
2. Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly
   • Use “and…” instead of “but…”
3. Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person
4. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders
   • So they keep their pride & sense of importance
   • Eg “is there any way we can adjust our hours to help achieve the deadline?”
5. Let the other person save face
6. Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.”
7. Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to
8. Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct
9. Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest
   • Appointing junior staff member as the Supervisor of Price Tag Placement in  supermarket because she wasn’t careful about it until now